020                                                                                                             10 February 2017


We are all here to live every situation you can imagine, good or bad; right or wrong; positive or negative. Why? So we can learn from the experience as part of the adventure of life.  Murray Kibblewhite

CASE STUDY – Two Lost Loves!

I have met and tried to get close to two women- but failed! Was it me or was it them?

Many years ago, between marriages, I met Cherry where I was working. She was attractive, intelligent and outspoken in her confidence. We became lovers but we could not get emotionally close. Why?

Years before her parents made her adopt out her baby, as she was only seventeen. In those days, she was too young to become a mother even if they could find the father! And, unlike today, it would have been a scandal for her to become a solo parent. Her parents were so enraged they rejected her and she had to leave home and live in another town where the child was born in secret.

When I met her she was trying to locate her daughter, who was then thirteen years old. While she did locate her daughter, whom I met, Cherry could not have a close relationship with me or any man. Her anger, arising from her difficult relationship with her stepfather and other men, made her cold and remote.

More recently I met Sana another attractive, independent and strong woman, again through work. We met several times at her home, but never became intimate. While I found her pleasant and interesting, she was aloof and remote. Why?

She too had lost her only child, a daughter, now nine years old in a recent custody battle with her ex-husband. It seemed that she had transferred her grudge to her ex to all men!


Each woman had the difficult learnings of disappointment, determination, and grief of being forced to give up their children and for one, the pleasure in re-discovering her daughter after many years. However, in the battles with their ex-partners, both women lost their capacity to be open and accepting to another man.

In my case, I learned not to choose, as it is said “a book by its cover!”


All life’s experiences are opportunities to learn. The challenge is to decide, what are the real lessons to be learned?


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