049 02 July 2017
We are all here to live every situation you can imagine, good or bad; right or wrong; positive or negative. Why? So we can learn from the experience as part of the adventure of life. Murray Kibblewhite
CASE STUDY – HOW TO CHOOSE THE RIGHT PARTNER
Recently I had a long discussion with an ex-client about relationships. She had been married twice and the last divorce happened eight years ago.Now she was living with her twelve year old daughter sharing her with her ex-husband who had re-married and lived nearby.
Having suffered some physical disability she was now able to refocus on her career. This time she wanted to be the boss. This time she wanted to own her own business mainly to be able to work at times that suited her and to make it easier to look after her daughter.
She disclosed she had re-connected with a male friend from schooldays who was still living in South Africa looking after his elderly mother and had never married. She said that she was aroused and became interested in him after a phone conversation withhim when she had returned to her home country several months previously. She admitted that her interest in him was probably sparked by his comment that he had a crush on her from schooldays and she in turn was lonely as she was getting over a break up with a boyfriend.
However, during a recent international call he became upset with her and their disagreement led to him declining to talk with her. She was unsure what was likely to happen now. She asked me what I thought.
In my eyes the chances of this relationship ever developing on a sound basis was unlikely. This was because with each partner in another country and with responsibilities prohibiting either one shifting to the country of the other, the possibilities of getting together were remote. As well, their interests were quite different as were their values.
There are many matters to contemplate when considering a long term relationship. A schoolboy crush or feeling lonely are not sufficient for a full time connection.
The learning here is for both people to realise that attraction alone, is not enough.
There are many issues that need to be considered, and with both parties living in different countries, each with their own major responsibilities, a long tern association at this stage is not possible.
Finally, having read my article she said the lesson for her was, “there is a bigger plan for me than surrendering to mediocrity”.
All life’s experiences are opportunities to learn. The challenge is to decide, what are the real lessons to be learnt?